Remembering My Brother

Hello-my name is Nanette and DL was my brother. DL left life on this earth at 3:00 pm on Wednesday, September 5, 1990. I feel everyone who new DL would appreciate knowing how the last year was for him.


Complications of the AIDS virus resulted in the need for DL to move back to Seattle from Dallas during November 1989 to be cared for by our family. After a few months DL was unable to walk without assistance of a walker and he had very little energy to continue a lifestyle he was so accustomed to. His day to day routines included watching television, napping and talking on the phone to a tremendous numbers of friends. This lasted until June. He was present but very minimal. There was some short term memory loss but nothing any of us had difficulty in dealing with.

I had been unemployed since March 1990, so I could spend a significant amount of time helping my mother to care for DL at her home. She worked as a waitress during the day and cared for him in the evenings. The whole family participated in DL’s care and it was an honor to share in his experiences. We also had some nursing services provided on a part-time basis. DL participated in a support group with other persons with AIDS and our family also had a support group at the same facility so we often rode together. DL made many friends there, inspiring them with his humor and courage.

The disease progressed to a point that required more nursing care in the home. DL became weaker to the extent that he could no longer provide the necessary care that he needed. At the end of June, DL moved to a Hospice called Rosehedge House. It was a difficult move for DL as it represented “the last Stop”. There were feelings of fear, depression and rejection that DL dealt with exceptionally well. Rosehedge is an old, large two-story home that houses a maximum of six residents in the advance stages of the disease. There were nurses and nurses’ aides on duty at all times that were absolutely marvelous. They were all very special, providing DL and our family with love, support, human touch and compassion. Visiting was unlimited until DL’s last couple of weeks so we spent a lot of time with him there. As time passed DL had some days where we thought we were losing him. He would be unable to eat or swallow. Some days it was almost impossible to understand what he was saying which was frustrating to all of us. He very clearly wanted to die and verbalize that acceptance of death numerous occasions.

Approximately one week prior to his death he was diagnosed with pneumonia for the third time. We actually welcomed the news as it meant he was closer to peace in heaven.(He had packed his bags and was waiting for the bus.) The morning of his death, he began to struggle and was very uncomfortable. The nurses provided medication to ease his discomfort and even took turns lying in bed with him, holding him in their arms to comfort him until mother and I arrived. We were there with him and the experience was quite beautiful. He passed on very peacefully and we are happy for his release from the physical life.

It would take a book to tell the details of DL’s journey. This only touches upon basic information relative to his last year. There were so many ups and downs, funny and sad moments. Sharing with DL taught us a lot about life and death. He also maintained his wonderful sense of humor that you would remember so well.

Not only did Rosehedge/Multifaith Works provide loving care to DL, but to our family as well. When we went home at the end of the day, we knew without a doubt that DL was safe and surrounded by caregivers that truly cared, respected and loved him. I felt such a connection to Rosehedge and the staff that I continued to visit after DL died. I would often just sit with a resident that was very near death but without friend or family to support them. I did little things to help so the staff could focus on those that required extra care. They were my second family.

Over the years, I have participated in many fundraisers and have done my best to continue to donate. I have slowed down a bit with age so haven’t done the AIDS Walk for many years. I will continue to help as I can. Rosehedge/Multifaith Works will always hold a precious, special place in my heart.


Nanette L.

Beam Us Up Scotty

Residents at Enhanced Assisted living are just trying to have fun. Well, that and get around, pursue interests, gain access to information and skills.

Budgets everywhere are tight, and we’ve had to figure out how to get the things we want and need in creative ways. One way we’ve been doing this is creating and maintaining a wish list to be granted by  volunteers, donors, and grants. Whenever an item comes up, we get on email and put it on the list. The other day a resident  was brainstorming about ways he could focus his excess energy and engage his creative side. He asked for watercolors. Another resident who often watches TV for long periods without comment, became visibly engaged when Star Trek came on TV. We decided we needed to add some Star Trek to our movie collection.

While the soul food of creativity and entertainment is very important, we also ask for resources that will give the residents more connectivity with their community and the larger world. One of our top wish list items are bus passes. Residents want more ability to visit friends, attends places of worship, and go to the library. A computer was recently donated to one of our houses, and residents have used it to find resources online.

Besides items for residents, we also ask for volunteers to help with resident transportation, gardening, and even building. In an effort to make our houses more accessible, we had to look around for volunteer architects and contractors to build a ramp to one of our two storied houses.

If you have anything to contribute to help enrich the lives of the residents of the enhanced assisted living facilities, please know that it will be much appreciated.  In the words of Spock “I have been, and ever shall be your friend.  Live long and prosper.”

Some Wish List Items:
Bus Passes
A Netflix account
Watercolors or other arts and crafts supplies
Star Trek DVDs or VHS’s
Movies
Board or card games

Tamar Libicki, RN
Rosehedge/Multifaith Works Staff

Empowerment Trumps Stigma

HIV is an infection which many people have fears, prejudices or negative attitudes about. Stigma can result in people with HIV being insulted, rejected, gossiped about and excluded from social activities.  Fear of this happening can lead to people with HIV being nervous about telling others that they have HIV or avoiding contact with other people. They may end up suffering in silence instead of getting the help they need.

Struggling with an addiction to street drugs and a severe mood disorder made it difficult for Karen to adhere to her medication regimen for both HIV and diabetes, as well as for her mental health condition. Karen is a middle-aged, transgender African American woman who was referred to our Shanti Program four years ago by a case manager who recognized Karen’s need for on-going emotional support.

Disclosure of the discrimination a person experiences due to HIV status requires trust, trust that the intimate other will provide care and understanding while refraining to contribute to the enacted stigma.  An understanding that is discussed during the Shanti trainings. 

Consistent weekly meetings with her Shanti volunteers have helped Karen to emerge from isolation and to achieve some stability in her life.  Beyond such basic human goals she has also been able to realize a long-term dream of returning to school. Now, four years after her first meeting with her Shanti volunteer, Karen is committed to her recovery program, sees a chemical dependency counselor weekly, and has just completed an Associate of Science degree. When asked about the effect her Shanti volunteers had on her schooling, she replies “My success in school has a lot to do with feeling empowered by the Shanti volunteers.”  Her degree is evidence that empowerment trumps stigma.